An Unpleasant Night

I woke up last night around 3 a.m. with some severe stomach pains. It was bad...I wanted to die and was concerned I might (remember I am a hypochondriac). I'll spare you all the details, but I'll just say that the porcelain god received an abundant fragrant offering (that was probably too far and will get a call or text from my wife saying that was inappropriate. Therefore, I apologize if that offends you).

What caused this horrible experience you may be asking? I'll tell you...I was invited over to one of our really good friends' house, Ira and Karen Hindrawinata. They wanted to treat me to my first real authentic Asian cuisine. We had vietnamese egg rolls with some mystery stuff within it (Karen told me what it was, but a lot of it I had never heard of before), crab with cream cheese ragoons (amazing!!), wanton soup (which made me feel like Po from Kung Fu Panda because it had dumplings in it like the movie. I kept saying, "You are free to eat" to their kids, but they didn't seem to get my joke....so sad. I thought it was really funny.), etc.

There were some dipping sauces involved as well, and all I can say is that there was one dipping sauce that had no earthly business being in a house. It reeked...the only description I can give it is "smelly feet." I was warned not to smell it, but to eat it. Well, I'm sorry, for me the smell of something goes hand and hand with the taste. I know of few things that smell bad, but actually taste good...sauerkraut might be the only exception (and to be honest I kind of like the smell)!

I really think it was this sauce that was the catalyst to my stomach pangs! I texted Karen and Ira this morning and let them know I survived their ploy to kill me. It would that more than two tiny Asians to take this white man out! Karen made fun of me (actually mocked me and my stomach) and then decided to text, "If you're climbing up the ladder and you hear something splatter....diarrhea....when you're walking down the hall and you hear something fall...diarrhea!" REAL MATURE Karen. I almost died!